Bitter Banter
by swordfighting-cherry
Summary: Simon has an unexpected visitor in the middle of the night


**CHAPTER ONE**

" _What the_ _-_ ," Simon begins to swear as someone interrupts what little vampiric sleep he gets by climbing into bed with him. He knows it has to be at least two in the morning since he was up till one playing video games with Jordan, but he's pretty sure Mr. Werewolf still can't stand the smell of him. The intruder has completely ignored the way Simon has jumped to the other side of the bed- originally he was sprawled out in the middle- and in fact seems to be completely disregarding that Simon is even in the room. "Who the hell-,"

"Aren't vampires supposed to have better night vision?" comes Jace's taunting voice, and Simon isn't one hundred percent certain that he hasn't entered an alternate dimension or somehow been slipped fairy punch. "Seems to me like your buddy Raphael is a terrible teacher."

"I'll let him know you think so," Simon comments weakly, still completely wracked with confusion as Jace lies down with his back facing Simon. "Why the hell are you in my apartment? Let alone my room?"

"Because that thing you call a couch is apparently being used as a trash can- which, by the way, how could you possibly drink that much soda? And your floor is covered with pizza boxes, same question."

"The band came over," Simon huffed. "The institute has like thirty rooms, are you going to tell me that none of them are more satisfactory than my bed?"

He can feel Jace tense, even though they aren't touching and there's still a good foot separating them. Simon isn't sure Jace is going to answer him- although Simon _will_ make him if he has to- but after a pause, Jace manages to angrily spit out, "Not when Isabelle is in the same building."

Rarely, if not only once, has Simon ever heard Jace use his sister's full name and definitely not like that. Not to mention he has no idea what Izzy and Jace could even fight about. They've always seemed to get along, being so similar, and both of them were fairly easy going people- even if Jace could be an ass- so, what? Sarcastically, he says, "I see your point. Who does she think she is anyway?"

Now that he's adjusted to the lack of light, Simon is fully able to see how withering the glare that Jace turns around to give him is. "Clary's girlfriend."

"W-what?"

"Clary's girlfriend," Jace repeated, vitriol heightening. "Clary and Isabelle are _dating_."

"Oh," Simon says weakly. Isn't he supposed to know this? I mean, as Clary's official best friend of eight or so years? But then again he and Clary had broken up only three weeks ago after the awkward sibling debacle with Jace so maybe she hadn't felt comfortable. Which sucked, because if Clary couldn't talk to him about it she must have felt pretty alone.

And then there's Jace, who is apparently doing so well with this new information that he stormed out of the institute and into Simon's bed. There are _so_ many questions. "Aren't you... uh, I mean, didn't you get over her?"

 _Tactful Simon_ , he scolds himself.

"So? If Alec and Magnus broke up, do you think I'd date Magnus?"

"I don't think Magnus would have you to begin with," Simon pointed out unhelpfully. He could only go so long without having to get _some_ sort of jibe in. It was Jace, after all, and if he didn't start with the comebacks sometime he's going to get further distracted by the fact that Jace is lying in the same bed as him.

"He'd have me. You don't just go back from dating a Shadowhunter," Jace shot back with the usual ridiculous confidence of his.

Simon rolled his eyes. "I'm telling you he wouldn't want the poster boy of heterosexual Shadowhunters."

"What exactly makes me heterosexual in your eyes?" Jace asked, an edgy tone to the question. Simon is a little alarmed. Usually he never assumed someone's sexuality, but Jace had always seemed so… "Just because I'm not dating my the head of the vampire clan-,"

"First of all, Raphael and I aren't dating, he's still mad that I dated Clary and betrayed him over Camille," Simon said with some irritation. He followed it up, muttering, "Not that that's any of your business."

"I was joking," Jace chuckled. "Although now I have a few questions-,"

"Yeah, sorry to disappoint, but we aren't having a sleepover where we talk about boys," Simon huffed, wondering if maybe Jace was drunk. He didn't smell like alcohol though, and Simon would know. After a moment's pause, he asked, "Although you're really not heterosexual?"

"It would be a shame to deny someone my good looks and charm just because of their gender," Jace said smugly, and Simon didn't have to see in the dark to know Jace was smirking. He could practically hear it.

Simon groaned for more than a few reasons, taking his pillow and putting it over his head. "Why didn't you go spend the night at Magnus' place?"

"Because his place is even more of a mess than here," Jace replied. Simon briefly remembered how pristine Jace's room at the institute was. It seemed funny to imagine the Shadowhunter with a cleaning obsession. "And I am ninety percent sure Alec knew what was going on and he's over there."

"How'd you know _I_ wouldn't know?"

"Izzy told me to wait and let Clary tell you," Jace said, sounding pleased with himself. "Oops."

Sighing, Simon thought about telling Jace to just go home, or at the very least deal with the messy couch, but he didn't. He didn't want to think about why he hadn't already either, which for someone like him who was usually very self aware, meant a lot. At first this had just been a really, really irritating inconvenience. Now it was beginning to get awkward for Simon knowing that not-heterosexual-Jace was still in his bed and apparently planned on sleeping there.

"Right, well unless you're trying to rope me into some revenge plan, I'm going back to sleep," Simon finally said, trying to ignore Jace's presence and the constant reminder of pulsing blood that came with close human contact. "Actually even if there is a revenge plan."

"I wouldn't trust you with revenge anyway," Jace retorted. "You're boring."

"I'll have you know I'm actually excellent at revenge," Simon sniped back. "One time in elementary school this dude was picking on Clary-,"

"Let's _not_ talk about Clary," Jace cut across.

"Fine," Simon huffed. Although after the fact he had to admit he did sort of feel bad for Jace. If Simon's sister dated Clary he would have been pissed too. On top of that Jace didn't seem to have any friends outside of Izzy and Alec, so if he was mad at both of them he must have no one else to talk to. The fact that he even sort of talked to Simon about it (by default) was _almost_ flattering. "Goodnight."

"If I wake up to you sucking my blood I'm staking you."

"Good, that'll save my dignity from having to have any part of you inside me," Simon snapped before realizing how that sounded.

Jace burst out laughing within seconds and hating himself, Simon joined in.


End file.
